A Summary of A Brief History of Nasocarpia
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The history of nasocarpia is long and complex. The years of research that went into A Brief History of Nasocarpia resulted in a volume that, despite its length (3367pp), has garnered literary prizes worldwide since its publication. However, though it has become a best seller, my publisher (Garfield Press) and I accept that most readers today do not have time to read weighty and reflective works of literature, thus this slim offering, a response to a sarcastic literary challenge by an established critic to produce an online snapshot of the essential, whittled down to under 3000 words. It comes with our heartfelt appreciation and empathy, it is free, and is dedicated to you, the Busy Reader.
Extract from an entry in Wikipedia
Nasocarpia – from Naso (Greek for nose) and Carpo (Greek for fruit), relating to a mid 21st century obsession or hysteria, sometimes referred to as Piragism, after its instigator, Monet Pirage. Evidence points to a cybercast interview on a popular news programme as the origin of the subsequent hysteria. As a practice, it spread rapidly in 2049 from the island of Grietta Ingar to the rest of Europe and then to the Americas, though Asia and Africa remained largely unafflicted. The frenzy gradually subsided, but a resultant and highly contagious infection emerged, confined only to Grietta Ingar, leading to a UN resolution adopted unanimously in 2050 (Resolution ES-23/29) which ordered the isolation and quarantine of the whole island for an unlimited period or until the Security Council reached agreement on a date. So far, no agreement has been reached.
Grietta Ingar is a large island of 33,000 square kilometres joined to the mainland of Europe by a 7800-foot causeway, which to this day remains closed to all traffic. 17.8 million – population at time of quarantine imposition.
Grietta Ingar is a large island of 33,000 square kilometres joined to the mainland of Europe by a 7800-foot causeway, which to this day remains closed to all traffic. 17.8 million – population at time of quarantine imposition.
First recorded interview with Monet Pirage
Extract translated into English from a transcription of an interview on Priski Programme, Grietta Cybercast 7, 5th July 2047 (08.55) between Arri Korto, presenter, and guest Mr M. Pirage of Hribh province
Arri Korto - And now we turn to an issue that may appear to most of us as amusing and somewhat whimsical, but probably not to the gentleman I am about to interview. Good morning, Mr Monet Pirage.
Monet Pirage - Good morning.
AK. - Yes, now, Mr Pirage, would you kindly explain to our listeners what it is that has brought you to our studios?
MP - Well, yes, of course. It’s not something I am entirely comfortable talking about and would much rather have kept it to myself, but the problem has got so out of hand that I am now suffering consequences that no human being should have to put up with.
AK – Could you perhaps be specific about these consequences?
MP – Why, yes, last week I lost my job at the National Bank of Grietta Ingar as the Human Resources manager for the Southwest, a job I have held for twenty years and which I have fulfilled with the utmost professionalism and commitment, and which was terminated by an email sent to me on Tuesday last.
AK – Are you saying, Mr Pirage, that no face-to-face communication ever took place before the email?
MP – No, I did meet up with my superiors on three occasions beforehand to talk the matter over, but no signs were ever given that my career was to end this way. I am most distressed by the outcome, and by the treatment I have received. I believe I am the victim of a type of discrimination, which is why I am on your programme.
AK – Mr Pirage, would you please describe yourself to our listeners?
MP – OK, yes. I am a fifty-five-year-old man. I wear glasses and I have a moustache. Thinning hair, I suppose, grey at the temples. Not very overweight, I’d say. Well, perhaps a little. I have all my own fingers... (possibly misheard. The words for “fingers” and “teeth” are almost homophones in Griettan) [1]
AK – Mr Pirage.
MP – Yes?
AK – Mr Pirage, surely you realize that you come across as either evasive or even, and I say this with the greatest respect, slightly deluded?
MP – Oh? Why?
AK – Because you are not describing to the listener what is obvious to any onlooker - the reason for which you are claiming to be a victim of discrimination is your insistence or penchant for doing something unusual, to put it mildly, and which your employers believe works against the best interests of their organisation. Can you not see that?
MP – Yes, I can. That’s why I am here in this studio. To make it known to the public that I and no doubt many others are victims of a prejudice that must be confronted if we are to call ourselves a free society. I am not a man who ordinarily takes up a banner and heads to the streets to protest, no, if anything I am like most of your listeners who want to live their lives responsibly and without fuss, but the time has come for all good men and women to look at society squarely in the eyes and ask: “Is this right? If this can happen to Monet Pirage, can’t it happen to me too?”
AK – I see that I am going to have to describe you to the listener myself, Mr Pirage.
(There is the sound of throat clearing)
AK – (continuing) Mr Pirage is indeed an unexceptional man to look at, in that he has no particular feature that draws the attention, though he does have a fine moustache. No, dear listener, what has caused Mr Pirage the many problems he has been facing is his resolve to keep small segments of fruit, sometimes berries, sometimes, like today, segments of satsumas, up his nostrils. Mr Pirage, why?
MP – I feel so much better with something up my nostrils. It’s something I discovered last year when I got back from work one evening and picked some berries from a Rowan tree outside our front door. I can’t think what made me do it, but I placed them in my nostrils and immediately felt better.
AK – And would you say that led to experimentation with larger bits of fruit?
MP – Yes, I have tried out different fruit to see which is the best for me. From Rowan berries I next tried grapes, which are larger but softer and therefore more flexible and kinder to the nostrils. Anyway, I noticed that my nose improved its shape as my nostrils widened, so I went on to olives, until finally deciding on satsuma segments, which I think are what suit me best. We all have different fruit for different nostrils. Yours, I think, would do well with gooseberries when they’re in season, of course.
AK – We are getting quite a lot of audience reaction to this interview. Many want to know if this is a joke, but the truth is, Mr Pirage, that you have not only lost your job, but your wife has left you, and, according to a story in the Daily Priski, your neighbours no longer speak to you. Is it worth it, I ask?
MP – I’m not saying that I enjoy the situation, Mr Korto, but I am being true to myself, and I do not see why others need to interfere – I am doing nobody any harm. After fifty years or so of adapting to society’s requirements, I have discovered how to be me, and I would encourage your listeners to try it themselves.
AK – I’m afraid time is running out. Thank you very much Mr Pirage, and good luck. Oh, what is this you’re handing to me?
MP – It’s a punnet of gooseberries, Mr Korto. For you to try. Thank you.
Monet Pirage - Good morning.
AK. - Yes, now, Mr Pirage, would you kindly explain to our listeners what it is that has brought you to our studios?
MP - Well, yes, of course. It’s not something I am entirely comfortable talking about and would much rather have kept it to myself, but the problem has got so out of hand that I am now suffering consequences that no human being should have to put up with.
AK – Could you perhaps be specific about these consequences?
MP – Why, yes, last week I lost my job at the National Bank of Grietta Ingar as the Human Resources manager for the Southwest, a job I have held for twenty years and which I have fulfilled with the utmost professionalism and commitment, and which was terminated by an email sent to me on Tuesday last.
AK – Are you saying, Mr Pirage, that no face-to-face communication ever took place before the email?
MP – No, I did meet up with my superiors on three occasions beforehand to talk the matter over, but no signs were ever given that my career was to end this way. I am most distressed by the outcome, and by the treatment I have received. I believe I am the victim of a type of discrimination, which is why I am on your programme.
AK – Mr Pirage, would you please describe yourself to our listeners?
MP – OK, yes. I am a fifty-five-year-old man. I wear glasses and I have a moustache. Thinning hair, I suppose, grey at the temples. Not very overweight, I’d say. Well, perhaps a little. I have all my own fingers... (possibly misheard. The words for “fingers” and “teeth” are almost homophones in Griettan) [1]
AK – Mr Pirage.
MP – Yes?
AK – Mr Pirage, surely you realize that you come across as either evasive or even, and I say this with the greatest respect, slightly deluded?
MP – Oh? Why?
AK – Because you are not describing to the listener what is obvious to any onlooker - the reason for which you are claiming to be a victim of discrimination is your insistence or penchant for doing something unusual, to put it mildly, and which your employers believe works against the best interests of their organisation. Can you not see that?
MP – Yes, I can. That’s why I am here in this studio. To make it known to the public that I and no doubt many others are victims of a prejudice that must be confronted if we are to call ourselves a free society. I am not a man who ordinarily takes up a banner and heads to the streets to protest, no, if anything I am like most of your listeners who want to live their lives responsibly and without fuss, but the time has come for all good men and women to look at society squarely in the eyes and ask: “Is this right? If this can happen to Monet Pirage, can’t it happen to me too?”
AK – I see that I am going to have to describe you to the listener myself, Mr Pirage.
(There is the sound of throat clearing)
AK – (continuing) Mr Pirage is indeed an unexceptional man to look at, in that he has no particular feature that draws the attention, though he does have a fine moustache. No, dear listener, what has caused Mr Pirage the many problems he has been facing is his resolve to keep small segments of fruit, sometimes berries, sometimes, like today, segments of satsumas, up his nostrils. Mr Pirage, why?
MP – I feel so much better with something up my nostrils. It’s something I discovered last year when I got back from work one evening and picked some berries from a Rowan tree outside our front door. I can’t think what made me do it, but I placed them in my nostrils and immediately felt better.
AK – And would you say that led to experimentation with larger bits of fruit?
MP – Yes, I have tried out different fruit to see which is the best for me. From Rowan berries I next tried grapes, which are larger but softer and therefore more flexible and kinder to the nostrils. Anyway, I noticed that my nose improved its shape as my nostrils widened, so I went on to olives, until finally deciding on satsuma segments, which I think are what suit me best. We all have different fruit for different nostrils. Yours, I think, would do well with gooseberries when they’re in season, of course.
AK – We are getting quite a lot of audience reaction to this interview. Many want to know if this is a joke, but the truth is, Mr Pirage, that you have not only lost your job, but your wife has left you, and, according to a story in the Daily Priski, your neighbours no longer speak to you. Is it worth it, I ask?
MP – I’m not saying that I enjoy the situation, Mr Korto, but I am being true to myself, and I do not see why others need to interfere – I am doing nobody any harm. After fifty years or so of adapting to society’s requirements, I have discovered how to be me, and I would encourage your listeners to try it themselves.
AK – I’m afraid time is running out. Thank you very much Mr Pirage, and good luck. Oh, what is this you’re handing to me?
MP – It’s a punnet of gooseberries, Mr Korto. For you to try. Thank you.
National identity
The gooseberry has always been a popular crop in Grietta Ingar, where a particular variety, the Green Tickler, grows easily due to the temperate climate and cool sunlight and to the chalky soil. Its unique flavour makes this distinctive berry less attractive abroad, where it is considered astringent, even acidic, unless cooked with a great deal of sugar – indeed, the French have no specific name for it [2], and in Spain it is only used as pig feed [3]. However, in Grietta Ingar it is claimed that there is a different gooseberry recipe for each day of the year, and it would be no exaggeration to claim that the gooseberry is the country’s unofficial emblem as well as national dish [4].
Initial response to Piragism by Grietta Ingar’s Chief Medical Officer
Extract translated into English from a transcription of an interview on Priski Programme, Grietta Cybercast 7, 15h July 2047 (08.15) between Arri Korto, presenter, and guest Dr Mida Uriel, Government Chief Medical Officer
AK – Good morning, Dr Uriel. Is there anything you would like to tell us straight away regarding the so-called Nasocarpic epidemic that is sweeping the nation?
Dr U- My advice is not to worry or to overreact. The more attention is paid to the issue, the more likely people are to participate in this rhinopathic hysteria that is gripping society. Nasal foreign bodies (NFB) are commonly seen in the emergency department and most cases involve children, but we are now seeing too many adults in A&E. NFBs are usually benign, though some objects can cause damage and need to be removed, for example batteries, magnets, coins or sharp objects. Even gooseberries, harmless though they seem, are covered in fine hairs that could cause problems.
AK – Is it natural, in your opinion, Doctor?
Dr U - We surely all agree that a foreign body in the nose means that an object is present in the nose when it’s naturally supposed to be elsewhere. Children often have this issue. But it’s not uncommon for adults to place foreign objects in their nostrils. Common items often include marbles, erasers, peanuts, pebbles, dirt, and, yes, berries.
AK – What should we do if we find that an object gets stuck in my ..er…our…nostrils, Doctor?
Dr U - There are various techniques used to remove nasal foreign bodies. The most commonly used is direct visualization and extraction using instrumentation. Curettes, alligator forceps, or probes are best. But it is far better to try to make your way to your nearest Accident & Emergency, though I admit most hospital staff are stretched with dealing with so many cases.
AK – What can be done to slow down this frenzy? Piragism seems to have caught hold of all sections of society. Monet Pirage himself has more than two million followers on Instagram and there are no signs that it is slowing down.
Dr U – It is not for me to comment on individuals. I am only here to advice the public, and my advice is to resist the temptation to insert anything into your nose. Please, I am asking all listeners to step back and if they know anybody who practises Piragism, to talk to them sensibly. I am sure that eventually this will all blow over.
AK – Thank you, Dr Uriel.
(Sound of AK sneezing and the muffled voice of Dr Uriel)
Dr U – What’s that? It’s just shot out of your nose… (Indistinct)
AK – (Indistinct)
Dr U- My advice is not to worry or to overreact. The more attention is paid to the issue, the more likely people are to participate in this rhinopathic hysteria that is gripping society. Nasal foreign bodies (NFB) are commonly seen in the emergency department and most cases involve children, but we are now seeing too many adults in A&E. NFBs are usually benign, though some objects can cause damage and need to be removed, for example batteries, magnets, coins or sharp objects. Even gooseberries, harmless though they seem, are covered in fine hairs that could cause problems.
AK – Is it natural, in your opinion, Doctor?
Dr U - We surely all agree that a foreign body in the nose means that an object is present in the nose when it’s naturally supposed to be elsewhere. Children often have this issue. But it’s not uncommon for adults to place foreign objects in their nostrils. Common items often include marbles, erasers, peanuts, pebbles, dirt, and, yes, berries.
AK – What should we do if we find that an object gets stuck in my ..er…our…nostrils, Doctor?
Dr U - There are various techniques used to remove nasal foreign bodies. The most commonly used is direct visualization and extraction using instrumentation. Curettes, alligator forceps, or probes are best. But it is far better to try to make your way to your nearest Accident & Emergency, though I admit most hospital staff are stretched with dealing with so many cases.
AK – What can be done to slow down this frenzy? Piragism seems to have caught hold of all sections of society. Monet Pirage himself has more than two million followers on Instagram and there are no signs that it is slowing down.
Dr U – It is not for me to comment on individuals. I am only here to advice the public, and my advice is to resist the temptation to insert anything into your nose. Please, I am asking all listeners to step back and if they know anybody who practises Piragism, to talk to them sensibly. I am sure that eventually this will all blow over.
AK – Thank you, Dr Uriel.
(Sound of AK sneezing and the muffled voice of Dr Uriel)
Dr U – What’s that? It’s just shot out of your nose… (Indistinct)
AK – (Indistinct)
Turning point
Advocates of Piragism soon saw opportunities in the ever-increasing numbers of followers Monet Pirage was attracting. Not only was a commercial advantage taken of a burgeoning situation – so was a political one. The formation of the Crisperian Party (derived from the scientific name for gooseberry, Ribes uva-crispa) and its success in local elections in 2049, led to its initially reluctant leadership by Monet Pirage whose nativist views soon saw an escalation in popular support [5]. It was during this stage of the party’s development that the promotion of the gooseberry as the only fruit a true patriot should sport nasally was taken up by an increasingly radicalised population, becoming an emblem as well as a rallying cry: “Grietta ur Crispero Garte!”. The most accurate translation into English renders this as: “Only a Crisperian Grietta can bloom!”
Consequences of the political role of the gooseberry
With the rise of the Crisperian movement the demand for gooseberry led to a bonanza for landowners and fruit farmers, the biggest of which, CrispCo, clearly saw the opportunities ahead and in the early stages boldly bought up as much farming land available and gradually cornered 90% of the Griettan gooseberry market. Alerted to possible illegal transactions by CrispCo, investigative journalists soon discovered that the principal figure behind the whole venture was one Stanislau Pirage, nephew of the leader of the Criperian Party. It was at this time that the government, now headed by the Criperians, pushed through legislation that banned the publication of anything deemed a threat under the National Security Law enacted that same year.
Etiology of the outbreak of 2049
The first symptoms appeared on Green Tickler gooseberry leaves in early summer of 2049 when farmers noticed leaves becoming spotted with very small, dark brown spots which later became more numerous and often coalesced so that large areas of the leaves turned brown. Large numbers of minute fungal spores formed in fruiting bodies, and it was this fungus, Drepanopeziza Crispis, now known to be distantly related to the Armillaria Mellea or Honey Fungus, that sparked the outbreak that humanity has witnessed.
This fungal infection, hatching in the nostril, spreads through the blood to the central nervous system. When this occurs, it causes an inflammation of the protective membrane surrounding the central nervous system in the individuals affected. Scientists now know the fungus incubates for up to three weeks and that victims at first show no symptoms until a minor headache initiates what becomes a prolonged state of instability, with mood swings that veer from a hysterical inability to construct rational sentences to a desperate desire to seek out adversarial conflict beyond national borders. Often these moods are accompanied by physical manifestations of frustration and perplexity, with individuals amassing in open spaces for no apparent reason and then dispersing in confusion.
The infection is highly contagious. Even Griettans who did not insert Green Tickler gooseberries in their nostrils soon succumbed to the infection as it is easily transmitted through close contact, for example at conversational distance, and through airborne transmission, as well as by touch. Controversy still surrounds the theory promoted by Dr Mida Uriel that it is transmitted aurally [6].
It is now estimated that the entire population of Grietta Ingar became infected within eight months of the discovery and identification of the infection by Dr Mida Uriel and her team, and that any quarantines imposed by government, even if that government had been willing to do so, would have been ineffective. So far, there is no known cure.
This fungal infection, hatching in the nostril, spreads through the blood to the central nervous system. When this occurs, it causes an inflammation of the protective membrane surrounding the central nervous system in the individuals affected. Scientists now know the fungus incubates for up to three weeks and that victims at first show no symptoms until a minor headache initiates what becomes a prolonged state of instability, with mood swings that veer from a hysterical inability to construct rational sentences to a desperate desire to seek out adversarial conflict beyond national borders. Often these moods are accompanied by physical manifestations of frustration and perplexity, with individuals amassing in open spaces for no apparent reason and then dispersing in confusion.
The infection is highly contagious. Even Griettans who did not insert Green Tickler gooseberries in their nostrils soon succumbed to the infection as it is easily transmitted through close contact, for example at conversational distance, and through airborne transmission, as well as by touch. Controversy still surrounds the theory promoted by Dr Mida Uriel that it is transmitted aurally [6].
It is now estimated that the entire population of Grietta Ingar became infected within eight months of the discovery and identification of the infection by Dr Mida Uriel and her team, and that any quarantines imposed by government, even if that government had been willing to do so, would have been ineffective. So far, there is no known cure.
UN Resolution
Fortunately for the world, the fact that the Green Tickler variety was the only one affected and that it is even more unpopular abroad than even the more usual variety of gooseberry, meant that the UN decision to protect world citizenry from harm was taken without delay and with no objections from any of its 293 member states. All contact was to be closed down, with all travel to and from Grietta Ingar banned, all telecommunications shut down and jammed.
It remains to this day the only UN resolution taken unanimously and with no abstentions, with the exception of Grietta Ingar itself, whose representative refused to attend the Council and who accused its members of colluding to invade his country under the pretext of this resolution.
It remains to this day the only UN resolution taken unanimously and with no abstentions, with the exception of Grietta Ingar itself, whose representative refused to attend the Council and who accused its members of colluding to invade his country under the pretext of this resolution.
Cybercast transcribed into English of the Address to the Nation by President Monet Pirage. November 23rd, 2049.
(Background sounds of crowd murmuring, interspersed by shouts of “Grietta ur Crispero Garte!”) My fellow countrymen and women. Today Grietta Ingar stands alone, but we are all Crisperians together. Together we face a hostile world, a world of prejudice, hostility, of wilful ignorance and of envy. But we are together. Beyond our borders there exist people who mean us harm, who for years have kept us confined to out beloved island out of fear. But we are together.
What do they fear? I will tell you what they fear: the gooseberry. Yes, they fear our gooseberry, our national emblem…(indistinct due to loud sounds of raucous laughter).
Perhaps they now understand that by banning all trade they have made us self-sufficient and stronger. That by cutting all communication and access they have helped create a society that relies on each and every member’s support, that by insulting our emblems they make us unyielding. We will not yield to any demands. We are proud. We are strong. Our army is unbeatable, our police force second-to-none, our people are one…..” (The speech continues along similar lines for another fifty-five minutes).
What do they fear? I will tell you what they fear: the gooseberry. Yes, they fear our gooseberry, our national emblem…(indistinct due to loud sounds of raucous laughter).
Perhaps they now understand that by banning all trade they have made us self-sufficient and stronger. That by cutting all communication and access they have helped create a society that relies on each and every member’s support, that by insulting our emblems they make us unyielding. We will not yield to any demands. We are proud. We are strong. Our army is unbeatable, our police force second-to-none, our people are one…..” (The speech continues along similar lines for another fifty-five minutes).
The Search for a Solution
Despite unanimous agreement by all UN member states to impose a quarantine on Grietta Ingar in 2050, all subsequent resolutions proposed to deal with the epidemic have failed. Consideration was given to a planned airborne drop over the gooseberry plantations of cannisters filled with the Carpotophagoides mite, but fear of the inevitable aggressive reaction of Griettans and the subsequent deaths of UN pilots resulted in rejection of the idea by a majority. The officially unexplained disappearance of a UN micro submarine off the coast of Grietta Ingar, where it was last tracked, encourages the belief that undercover operations have been undertaken, though the whereabouts of the 3 crew members is unknown. Experts believe that the Nautilus 3 were captured and subjected to gooseberry insertion, but the UN imposition of a total blockade on communications means that nothing can be verified, and no negotiation can be initiated. However, an idea proposed by the Prime Minister of Australia is under discussion at time of writing (August 2054)[7].
Conclusion
As I explain at length in my book, autocrats are compelled to dramatically increase domestic security by exploiting the threat of foreign intervention to deter any domestic opposition. They also cultivate views hostile to those held by any opposition. But this does not apply in the case of Grietta Ingar – a population infected by Drepanopeziza Crispis displays all the associated symptoms and cannot deviate from them, thus they all think and behave alike. As a result, after initial indications of resistance or investigative curiosity such as the Stanislau Pirage case, the need for repressive measures turned gradually into justified complacency as Griettans surrendered to the self-perpetuating frenzy of infection and now follow the dictats of a government that is, after all, their truest reflection. No repression is required – an autocrat’s dream, and Grietta Ingar’s tragedy.
It is always risky for historians to allow the personal into a narrative, but there is always hope, so I leave you with a stanza from a poem by Grietta Ingar’s most celebrated poet, Blasko Bidot:
“One day our rocky shores will no longer be shrouded in fog,
And the sun will illuminate our darkest crannies
Like a fresh gooseberry in the mouth of a Griettan girl,
And it will astound you!” [7]
It is always risky for historians to allow the personal into a narrative, but there is always hope, so I leave you with a stanza from a poem by Grietta Ingar’s most celebrated poet, Blasko Bidot:
“One day our rocky shores will no longer be shrouded in fog,
And the sun will illuminate our darkest crannies
Like a fresh gooseberry in the mouth of a Griettan girl,
And it will astound you!” [7]
[1] “A high percentage of the population are coast-dwellers whose culture enshrines the challenging practice, instilled from boyhood, of sniggling. This requires inserting one’s hand under tidal rocks in order to draw out the Snarki, a fierce eel-like creature with sharp teeth that is considered a delicacy. A Snarki drawn out in any other way is considered an insult to Griettan manhood. This leads to hundreds of fingers being lost every year.” The Art of Sniggling in Grietta Ingar by Ongar Feltrum
[2] Gooseberry = Groseille (French), generic name for currant or berry, originally referred to as groseille à maquereau (Mackerel berry), the term was dropped after protest from the fishing industry. (Collins French-English Dictionary).
[3] “Innkeeper, thou thinkest me a swine, for thou servest me a feast of foulest gooseberry” From Don Quixote (Chptr 18) by Miguel de Cervantes, trans Martinez Smith. Picador.
[4] Record of the Griettan Parliament Debate 3rd August 1988: Adoption of the Snarki as the official emblem of Grietta Ingar.
[5] “Pirage support trebles – polls show a significant surge in popularity following interviews with Crisperian leader on the issue of patriotism, gooseberries and the cultural war waged from abroad against Griettan symbols” from article by Dyna Mikota in Grietta Gazeta 23 October 2049.
[6] Medical Journal of Grietta Ingar 2049, paper published by Dr Mida Uriel: Evidence of aurally transmitted infection at mass rallies based on findings from research participants with and without earplugs.
[7] ”The situation regarding the Nautilus 3 is made more difficult by the very Resolution agreed by us in 2050. We would be breaking our own Resolution if any negotiations were entered into, and nor can we accept any approach from the Grietta Ingar government. Our only hope lies with an agreement to create a nation that is not a member of the UN. Such a nation would be free of the constrains imposed by Resolution ES-23/29. We thank the Australian government for the offer of the island of Billabong, which will henceforth be known as the Republic of Billabong. Once its representatives are appointed by its only occupant, Mr Bruce “Drongo” Tooley, preliminary contact will be made.” From a speech to the Assembly by General Secretary of UN Mikis Theodorakis, August 2054.
[8] From “One Day our Rocky Shores”, Blasko Bidot, Poems for Eternity – published by Pratincola Press 1907
[2] Gooseberry = Groseille (French), generic name for currant or berry, originally referred to as groseille à maquereau (Mackerel berry), the term was dropped after protest from the fishing industry. (Collins French-English Dictionary).
[3] “Innkeeper, thou thinkest me a swine, for thou servest me a feast of foulest gooseberry” From Don Quixote (Chptr 18) by Miguel de Cervantes, trans Martinez Smith. Picador.
[4] Record of the Griettan Parliament Debate 3rd August 1988: Adoption of the Snarki as the official emblem of Grietta Ingar.
[5] “Pirage support trebles – polls show a significant surge in popularity following interviews with Crisperian leader on the issue of patriotism, gooseberries and the cultural war waged from abroad against Griettan symbols” from article by Dyna Mikota in Grietta Gazeta 23 October 2049.
[6] Medical Journal of Grietta Ingar 2049, paper published by Dr Mida Uriel: Evidence of aurally transmitted infection at mass rallies based on findings from research participants with and without earplugs.
[7] ”The situation regarding the Nautilus 3 is made more difficult by the very Resolution agreed by us in 2050. We would be breaking our own Resolution if any negotiations were entered into, and nor can we accept any approach from the Grietta Ingar government. Our only hope lies with an agreement to create a nation that is not a member of the UN. Such a nation would be free of the constrains imposed by Resolution ES-23/29. We thank the Australian government for the offer of the island of Billabong, which will henceforth be known as the Republic of Billabong. Once its representatives are appointed by its only occupant, Mr Bruce “Drongo” Tooley, preliminary contact will be made.” From a speech to the Assembly by General Secretary of UN Mikis Theodorakis, August 2054.
[8] From “One Day our Rocky Shores”, Blasko Bidot, Poems for Eternity – published by Pratincola Press 1907
Peter Arscott was born in Peru, went to school in England and later moved to Barcelona where he worked as a teacher and artist. He returned to live in London, working as a tourist guide and exhibiting at various galleries. He lives in Herefordshire and has an art and ceramics studio in Ledbury. His stories have appeared in Storgy, The Stand, Litro, The Common and AZURE: A Journal of Literary Thought.