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    • AZURE Volume 6, Issue 4 >
      • TO THOSE FOUND DEAD IN CHIMNEYS by R.W. Plym
      • WHAT TO EXPECT OF LIFE by Steven G. Kellman
      • IF IT WERE DRAWN by Jessica Reed
      • BLOOD IN THE ORCHIDS by Amanda Kotch
      • CORNELIUS RADHOPPER by Peter Arscott
    • AZURE Volume 6, Issue 3 >
      • ANIMAL INHERITANCE by akhir ali
      • THAT DUDE DERRIDA by Daniel Klawitter
      • FLAT-EARTH FRED by Phil Gallos
      • THE MYSTERY OF THE MISSING SEMICOLON by Orana Loren
      • MY BALDERDASHERY by Eric Paul Shaffer
    • AZURE Volume 6, Issue 2 >
      • MIRROR by Joshua Kepfer
      • CUE FALLING PIANO by D.C. Weaver
      • ANTON AND THE ECHO by Cristina Otero
      • THAT WHICH WE TRULY DON'T KNOW by JOACHIM GLAGE
      • CONGRATULATIONS by Alan Sincic
    • AZURE Volume 6, Issue 1 >
      • NEVER, NEVER LAND, MY SHIP by Mark Pearce
      • THE SMILE OF MONA LISA by Fatima Ijaz
      • OUROBOROS by Esme Sammons
      • THE DEPTHS OF THE SEA by Margaret D. Stetz
      • SNICKER-SNACK by Bruce Meyer
    • AZURE Volume 5, Issue 4 >
      • THE OWLET AND THE TURTLE by Greg Sendi
      • BRACTS and other poems by Nathaniel Calhoun
      • ANSWERS TO NON-EXISTENT QUESTIONS and other poems by Kevin Griffith
      • NEVERENDING KNOT by Jodie Dalgleish
      • LEARNING TO WALK by Jodie Dalgleish
      • OVERSOUL by P.S. Lutz
    • AZURE Volume 5, Issue 3 >
      • MAP OF MEMORY by Jesse Schotter
      • BISMILLAH by Abby Minor
      • MICROMORTS by Veronica Tang
      • LOVE LETTER TO LANGUAGE: AN ABECEDARIAN by Saramanda Swigart
      • IF YOU WERE ALL WATER by M. Ann Reed
    • AZURE Volume 5, Issue 2 >
      • CONTRA FORMALISME by Leland Seese
      • DRUNKEN MAN ON A BICYCLE by Dan Butterworth
      • WOLF TICKETS THROUGH THE FERAL WINTER by Kirk Marshall
      • SYLVANUS, BARD by Marc Lerner
      • THE LOOKING GLASS OF ARTHUR GORDON PYM by Frank Meola
    • AZURE Volume 5, Issue 1 >
      • INTIMATE THINGS by Laylage Courie
      • A SERIES OF PUNCTUATION by Hajar Hussaini
      • ROT AND GLORIANA by Laurel Miram
      • BLUES ON RED by Elie Doubleday
      • MY FICTION: REMEMBERING 50 YEARS OF WORK by Richard Kostelanetz
    • AZURE Volume 4, Issue 4 >
      • ENDNOTES FOR AN ALLOCUTION by Peter Freund
      • UKEMI (and other poems) by Nicole Vento
      • MEMORANDUM ON DESIRE by Laylage Courie
      • THE HOLYWOOD DEUTERONOMY by Jim Shankman
      • AT THE MAD HATTER-MARCH HARE ART GALLERY (and other poems) by M. Ann Reed
    • AZURE Volume 4, Issue 3 >
      • THE MACHINE, STOLEN FIRE, and PERFORMANCE by Vivek Narayan
      • FIRST FRUITS by Stephen Massimilla
      • ONCE UPON A TOMORROW-TIME by Christopher Routheut
      • YIELD LIGHT OF WAY by Ken Goodman
      • SEVEN TALES by Sara Streett
    • AZURE Volume 4, Issue 2 >
      • THE PUNCH-CARD CIPHERS by DF Short
      • SHE WAS THE FIRST TO GIVE A TOAST by Kelli Russell Agodon
      • HABLU L-WARIDI by Jesse Hilson
      • THE KEY TO DREAMS by Sean S. Bentley
      • SOFA, SO GOOD, SORT OF by Remy Ngamije
    • AZURE Volume 4, Issue 1 >
      • STAMPING THE DEAD by Habib Mohana
      • LEGS by A. Joachim Glage
      • I THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX by Heikki Huotari
      • LUŽÁNKY by V.B. Borjen
    • ARCHIVES: VOLUME 3 >
      • AZURE Volume 3, Issue 4 >
        • TALES UNSUITABLE FOR CHILDREN by Devon Ortega
        • WAKE UP by JayJay Conrad
        • AMONG THE MEN IS APRIL by Logo Wei
        • SWEET by Melinda Giordano
        • BLACK ROSES by Osamase Ekhator
        • MEET ME TONIGHT ON METAPHOR STREET by Vivek Narayan
      • AZURE Volume 3, Issue 3 >
        • MENAGE A TROIS, WITH HORSE by Don Dussault
        • THE BLACK by Ben Colandrea
        • BLUE SKY LANGUAGE by Christien Gholson
        • UN DETECTIVE VIEJO by Franco Strong
      • AZURE Volume 3, Issue 2 >
        • THE CLEANSING by Linda Dennard
        • SHUFFLE by Debbie Fox
        • DID YOU FALL OR RISE FROM THE CLOUD OF UNKNOWING? by M. Ann Reed
        • THE PHILOSOPHER AND THE PORNQUEEN by Omar Sabbagh
        • KIGALI MEMORIAL by Carlos Andres Gomez
        • PANTOUM OF THE MEAT by Ouita Rogers
      • AZURE Volume 3, Issue 1 >
        • HOW TO WRITE A BIOGRAPHY by Joanne B. Mulcahy
        • PROTOCOL NINE-NINE-NINE-NINE by Kenneth Hanes
        • LESS' MORE by TWIXT
        • POINTLESS MR. PROBST by Beatriz Seelaender
    • ARCHIVES: VOLUME 2 >
      • AZURE Volume 2, Issue 4 >
        • SYLVAN PASSAGES by Dan Wood
        • SISTER ALONE by Janet M Powers
        • CENTURY 2.1 by Alan Flurry
        • CLAIMED BY THE SEA by Sam Reese
      • AZURE Volume 2, Issue 3 >
        • CROSSHATCHING by M.K. Rainey
        • LULLABY by Barbara Daddino
        • HOUSEMOUTH (and other poems) by Anhvu Buchanan and Brent Piller
        • THE RESIDUE IN PUBLIC TEA AND COFFEE CUPS by V.B. Borjen
        • SYZYGY (and other poems) by Malorie Seeley-Sherwood
      • AZURE Volume 2, Issue 2 >
        • DRAGONFLIES: A DISCOURSE ON ANXIETY by Lara Lillibridge
        • AND RICHARD BURBAGE ALSO HAD A SISTER by Freya Shipley
        • THE WATCHERS by M.K. Rainey
        • JAZZ INTERACTION WITH SYMBOLS by Sarah T.
        • SPIDER (and other poems) by Natalie Crick
      • AZURE Volume 2, Issue 1 >
        • ECHOES by Daniel Freeman
        • MAPS by Susan Brennan
        • EDGAR'S FATHER'S MAGIC WORDS by JWM Morgan
        • LOCKJAW: IN TWO ACTS by James Blevins
        • WHAT THE LIVING DO by Susan Wadds
    • Archives: Volume 1 >
      • AZURE Volume 1, Issue 10 >
        • SUSURROS DE RECURRENCIA by Franco Strong
        • THE OLD MAN by Sarah T.
        • PERMUTATIONS by Laura Cesarco Eglin
        • WORLD PEACE 3 by Gustavo Alberto Garcia Vaca
      • AZURE Volume 1, Issue 9 >
        • LITTLE GHOST by Danny Judge
        • THE LAST ALLUSIONIST by Sakina B. Fakhri
        • CHURCH by Diana McClure
      • AZURE Volume 1, Issue 8 >
        • DEVIL IN A BLUE DRESS by Nancy Flynn
        • WHAT I COULDN'T SAY by Erika Ranee & Diana McClure
      • AZURE Volume 1, Issue 7 >
        • BRASS TYRANT AND THE AMERICAN THIRST by Kirk Marshall
        • LADY KILLER by Monika Viola
        • THE RIBBONS by Ferguson Williams
      • AZURE Volume 1, Issue 6 >
        • AURELIA: A BALLET IN PROSE (ACT 2 - Part 1) by Sakina B. Fakhri
        • NEW AGE UNCAGED by Frank Light
      • AZURE Volume 1, Issue 5 >
        • THE TRIALS OF TOBIT by Joseph Lisowski
        • LIKE MANY GIANT FOOTPRINTS (and other poems) by William Doreski
        • AURELIA: A BALLET IN PROSE (ACT I) by Sakina B. Fakhri
      • AZURE Volume 1, Issue 4 >
        • WARDENCLIFF by Barbara Daddino
        • BETTER LIVING THROUGH CHEMISTRY by Reg Darling
        • AURELIA: A BALLET IN PROSE (LIBRETTO) by Sakina B. Fakhri
      • AZURE Volume 1, Issue 3 >
        • LAWTON, OKLAHOMA by Mark Lawley
        • TWEETY BIRD'S GRACE by Diana McClure
        • CONTAGION AND THE DINNER GUEST by Sakina B. Fakhri
        • ON POETRY AND PROSE by Sakina B. Fakhri
      • AZURE Volume 1, Issue 2 >
        • TWO MICE IN A BLACK BOX & THE DECONSTRUCTION OF LANGUAGE by Sakina B. Fakhri
      • AZURE Volume 1, Issue 1 >
        • CHARACTER SKETCHES by Diana McClure
        • SEASONS ON A GRAVESTONE by Sakina B. Fakhri
        • COCKTAIL PARTY by Diana McClure
        • DESUETUDE by Sakina B. Fakhri
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Back to AZURE (Spring 2017)

Dragonflies: A Discourse on Anxiety

By Lara Lillibridge
Picture

I wonder if a dragonfly caught in a glass jar would make that same buzz I feel in my chest.  Four churning wings, operating in two free-wheeling pairs, battering against the mason jar might sound the same as I feel. And I am frozen on top of the covers, agitating at an inaudible frequency.   ​
***
Stop, revise, dragonflies breathe through their anus. You don’t want anyone to think you are comparing yourself to that, do you? Make it a damselfly.  The word sounds more feminine, and they are slimmer, their eyes are spaced further apart, therefore they are more winsome and if you insist on using insects as metaphors why not choose the prettiest one?  And have you not always wanted to be a damsel in distress, rescued by a fetching knight on a handsome steed?

​But damselflies are bound up in memories of falling in love next to a creek in summer, watching them dance above water so clear I could see the moss on submerged rocks undulate in the gentle current. Anyway, damselflies are able to fold their wings while resting, and therefore when captive might not be quite so insistent. And not everyone knows what a damselfly is, or what they look like, and I couldn’t bear for a reader to render it as a deerfly, bottle fly, or God forbid, a common house fly. Besides, damsels are always liberated eventually—no one rescues the dragon. And that breathing through the anus thing? Anxiety is the most effective diuretic I have ever experienced.  Perhaps anal breathing is a disturbing image but that does not make it less fitting.

Swirling battering agitation it does not wait patiently for rescue it uselessly knocks against the glass frantically breathing through its ass knowing no one ever rescues the dragon fearing I am really the dragon not the damsel eyes bulging with 30,000 facets always looking 360 degrees watching you coming and going with hindsight’s judgment emphasis on judge wrong bad dragon fire breath backwashes to your stomach pit of embers turning you to ash smoke rises burning your throat wings beat uselessly frantically four wings in asynchronous opposition. 
​​
***
I am supposed to write something about beauty here. About iridescent green-blue or magenta-violet or yellow-orange. About how dragonflies see UV light and more colors than we know exist. How their bodies are the color of fire and sunset and peaceful night skies, something about cellophane wings that are strikingly delicate in their strength.  You expect a discourse on nymphs emerging into adults, water-born creatures ascending to great heights.
           
All I have to give you are futile frenzied wings beating against glass, moving too quickly to be discerned.  It is only when we place it on the pinning block and impale it through the thorax that we can examine the fragility behind the motion, but we will need a magnifying glass and a notebook to record our observations. If you are kind, a cotton ball soaked in nail polish remover will kill our specimen within an hour, after you drop it into the glass jar.   
Lara Lillibridge sings off-beat and dances off-key.  She writes a lot, and sometimes even likes how it turns out. 
​
Her memoir, Girlish, available for preorder on Amazon, is slated for release Nov. 7, 2017 with Skyhorse Publishing.

Lara Lillibridge is a graduate of West Virginia Wesleyan College’s MFA program in Creative Nonfiction.  In 2016 she won Slippery Elm Literary Journal’s Prose Contest, and The American Literary Review's Contest in Nonfiction. She also was a finalist in both Black Warrior Review’s Nonfiction Contest and DisQuiet’s Literary Prize in Creative Nonfiction.  She has had essays published in Pure Slush Vol. 11, Vandalia, and Polychrome Ink; on the web at Hippocampus, Crab Fat Magazine, Luna Luna, Huffington Post, The Feminist Wire, Airplane Reading, Thirteen Ways to Tell a Story, Weirderary, and Brain, Child magazine's Brain, Mother blog. 

Back to AZURE (Spring 2017)
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​  
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  • ABOUT
    • Our Literary Aesthetic
    • Staff >
      • Writings by Sakina B. Fakhri
    • Contact Us
    • SUBSCRIBE
  • CONTESTS
  • AZURE: A Journal of Literary Thought
    • AZURE Volume 6, Issue 4 >
      • TO THOSE FOUND DEAD IN CHIMNEYS by R.W. Plym
      • WHAT TO EXPECT OF LIFE by Steven G. Kellman
      • IF IT WERE DRAWN by Jessica Reed
      • BLOOD IN THE ORCHIDS by Amanda Kotch
      • CORNELIUS RADHOPPER by Peter Arscott
    • AZURE Volume 6, Issue 3 >
      • ANIMAL INHERITANCE by akhir ali
      • THAT DUDE DERRIDA by Daniel Klawitter
      • FLAT-EARTH FRED by Phil Gallos
      • THE MYSTERY OF THE MISSING SEMICOLON by Orana Loren
      • MY BALDERDASHERY by Eric Paul Shaffer
    • AZURE Volume 6, Issue 2 >
      • MIRROR by Joshua Kepfer
      • CUE FALLING PIANO by D.C. Weaver
      • ANTON AND THE ECHO by Cristina Otero
      • THAT WHICH WE TRULY DON'T KNOW by JOACHIM GLAGE
      • CONGRATULATIONS by Alan Sincic
    • AZURE Volume 6, Issue 1 >
      • NEVER, NEVER LAND, MY SHIP by Mark Pearce
      • THE SMILE OF MONA LISA by Fatima Ijaz
      • OUROBOROS by Esme Sammons
      • THE DEPTHS OF THE SEA by Margaret D. Stetz
      • SNICKER-SNACK by Bruce Meyer
    • AZURE Volume 5, Issue 4 >
      • THE OWLET AND THE TURTLE by Greg Sendi
      • BRACTS and other poems by Nathaniel Calhoun
      • ANSWERS TO NON-EXISTENT QUESTIONS and other poems by Kevin Griffith
      • NEVERENDING KNOT by Jodie Dalgleish
      • LEARNING TO WALK by Jodie Dalgleish
      • OVERSOUL by P.S. Lutz
    • AZURE Volume 5, Issue 3 >
      • MAP OF MEMORY by Jesse Schotter
      • BISMILLAH by Abby Minor
      • MICROMORTS by Veronica Tang
      • LOVE LETTER TO LANGUAGE: AN ABECEDARIAN by Saramanda Swigart
      • IF YOU WERE ALL WATER by M. Ann Reed
    • AZURE Volume 5, Issue 2 >
      • CONTRA FORMALISME by Leland Seese
      • DRUNKEN MAN ON A BICYCLE by Dan Butterworth
      • WOLF TICKETS THROUGH THE FERAL WINTER by Kirk Marshall
      • SYLVANUS, BARD by Marc Lerner
      • THE LOOKING GLASS OF ARTHUR GORDON PYM by Frank Meola
    • AZURE Volume 5, Issue 1 >
      • INTIMATE THINGS by Laylage Courie
      • A SERIES OF PUNCTUATION by Hajar Hussaini
      • ROT AND GLORIANA by Laurel Miram
      • BLUES ON RED by Elie Doubleday
      • MY FICTION: REMEMBERING 50 YEARS OF WORK by Richard Kostelanetz
    • AZURE Volume 4, Issue 4 >
      • ENDNOTES FOR AN ALLOCUTION by Peter Freund
      • UKEMI (and other poems) by Nicole Vento
      • MEMORANDUM ON DESIRE by Laylage Courie
      • THE HOLYWOOD DEUTERONOMY by Jim Shankman
      • AT THE MAD HATTER-MARCH HARE ART GALLERY (and other poems) by M. Ann Reed
    • AZURE Volume 4, Issue 3 >
      • THE MACHINE, STOLEN FIRE, and PERFORMANCE by Vivek Narayan
      • FIRST FRUITS by Stephen Massimilla
      • ONCE UPON A TOMORROW-TIME by Christopher Routheut
      • YIELD LIGHT OF WAY by Ken Goodman
      • SEVEN TALES by Sara Streett
    • AZURE Volume 4, Issue 2 >
      • THE PUNCH-CARD CIPHERS by DF Short
      • SHE WAS THE FIRST TO GIVE A TOAST by Kelli Russell Agodon
      • HABLU L-WARIDI by Jesse Hilson
      • THE KEY TO DREAMS by Sean S. Bentley
      • SOFA, SO GOOD, SORT OF by Remy Ngamije
    • AZURE Volume 4, Issue 1 >
      • STAMPING THE DEAD by Habib Mohana
      • LEGS by A. Joachim Glage
      • I THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX by Heikki Huotari
      • LUŽÁNKY by V.B. Borjen
    • ARCHIVES: VOLUME 3 >
      • AZURE Volume 3, Issue 4 >
        • TALES UNSUITABLE FOR CHILDREN by Devon Ortega
        • WAKE UP by JayJay Conrad
        • AMONG THE MEN IS APRIL by Logo Wei
        • SWEET by Melinda Giordano
        • BLACK ROSES by Osamase Ekhator
        • MEET ME TONIGHT ON METAPHOR STREET by Vivek Narayan
      • AZURE Volume 3, Issue 3 >
        • MENAGE A TROIS, WITH HORSE by Don Dussault
        • THE BLACK by Ben Colandrea
        • BLUE SKY LANGUAGE by Christien Gholson
        • UN DETECTIVE VIEJO by Franco Strong
      • AZURE Volume 3, Issue 2 >
        • THE CLEANSING by Linda Dennard
        • SHUFFLE by Debbie Fox
        • DID YOU FALL OR RISE FROM THE CLOUD OF UNKNOWING? by M. Ann Reed
        • THE PHILOSOPHER AND THE PORNQUEEN by Omar Sabbagh
        • KIGALI MEMORIAL by Carlos Andres Gomez
        • PANTOUM OF THE MEAT by Ouita Rogers
      • AZURE Volume 3, Issue 1 >
        • HOW TO WRITE A BIOGRAPHY by Joanne B. Mulcahy
        • PROTOCOL NINE-NINE-NINE-NINE by Kenneth Hanes
        • LESS' MORE by TWIXT
        • POINTLESS MR. PROBST by Beatriz Seelaender
    • ARCHIVES: VOLUME 2 >
      • AZURE Volume 2, Issue 4 >
        • SYLVAN PASSAGES by Dan Wood
        • SISTER ALONE by Janet M Powers
        • CENTURY 2.1 by Alan Flurry
        • CLAIMED BY THE SEA by Sam Reese
      • AZURE Volume 2, Issue 3 >
        • CROSSHATCHING by M.K. Rainey
        • LULLABY by Barbara Daddino
        • HOUSEMOUTH (and other poems) by Anhvu Buchanan and Brent Piller
        • THE RESIDUE IN PUBLIC TEA AND COFFEE CUPS by V.B. Borjen
        • SYZYGY (and other poems) by Malorie Seeley-Sherwood
      • AZURE Volume 2, Issue 2 >
        • DRAGONFLIES: A DISCOURSE ON ANXIETY by Lara Lillibridge
        • AND RICHARD BURBAGE ALSO HAD A SISTER by Freya Shipley
        • THE WATCHERS by M.K. Rainey
        • JAZZ INTERACTION WITH SYMBOLS by Sarah T.
        • SPIDER (and other poems) by Natalie Crick
      • AZURE Volume 2, Issue 1 >
        • ECHOES by Daniel Freeman
        • MAPS by Susan Brennan
        • EDGAR'S FATHER'S MAGIC WORDS by JWM Morgan
        • LOCKJAW: IN TWO ACTS by James Blevins
        • WHAT THE LIVING DO by Susan Wadds
    • Archives: Volume 1 >
      • AZURE Volume 1, Issue 10 >
        • SUSURROS DE RECURRENCIA by Franco Strong
        • THE OLD MAN by Sarah T.
        • PERMUTATIONS by Laura Cesarco Eglin
        • WORLD PEACE 3 by Gustavo Alberto Garcia Vaca
      • AZURE Volume 1, Issue 9 >
        • LITTLE GHOST by Danny Judge
        • THE LAST ALLUSIONIST by Sakina B. Fakhri
        • CHURCH by Diana McClure
      • AZURE Volume 1, Issue 8 >
        • DEVIL IN A BLUE DRESS by Nancy Flynn
        • WHAT I COULDN'T SAY by Erika Ranee & Diana McClure
      • AZURE Volume 1, Issue 7 >
        • BRASS TYRANT AND THE AMERICAN THIRST by Kirk Marshall
        • LADY KILLER by Monika Viola
        • THE RIBBONS by Ferguson Williams
      • AZURE Volume 1, Issue 6 >
        • AURELIA: A BALLET IN PROSE (ACT 2 - Part 1) by Sakina B. Fakhri
        • NEW AGE UNCAGED by Frank Light
      • AZURE Volume 1, Issue 5 >
        • THE TRIALS OF TOBIT by Joseph Lisowski
        • LIKE MANY GIANT FOOTPRINTS (and other poems) by William Doreski
        • AURELIA: A BALLET IN PROSE (ACT I) by Sakina B. Fakhri
      • AZURE Volume 1, Issue 4 >
        • WARDENCLIFF by Barbara Daddino
        • BETTER LIVING THROUGH CHEMISTRY by Reg Darling
        • AURELIA: A BALLET IN PROSE (LIBRETTO) by Sakina B. Fakhri
      • AZURE Volume 1, Issue 3 >
        • LAWTON, OKLAHOMA by Mark Lawley
        • TWEETY BIRD'S GRACE by Diana McClure
        • CONTAGION AND THE DINNER GUEST by Sakina B. Fakhri
        • ON POETRY AND PROSE by Sakina B. Fakhri
      • AZURE Volume 1, Issue 2 >
        • TWO MICE IN A BLACK BOX & THE DECONSTRUCTION OF LANGUAGE by Sakina B. Fakhri
      • AZURE Volume 1, Issue 1 >
        • CHARACTER SKETCHES by Diana McClure
        • SEASONS ON A GRAVESTONE by Sakina B. Fakhri
        • COCKTAIL PARTY by Diana McClure
        • DESUETUDE by Sakina B. Fakhri
  • LIBRARY SHOP
  • SUBMISSIONS
  • BLOG
  • Lazuli Reading Series
  • Literary Links