Illustrated Comments on the Apophatapataphysical Metrics of Cosmic HumorBy edo strannikov
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Apophatapataphysics, a Quantum Era refurbishment of classical pataphysics which takes account of both actual and imaginary semantic displacements and voids throughout the cosmos, is almost always a matter of not straying close, of maintaining a respectful orbit about a hot location (an inflamed liver, a seething brain, rumbling intestines), in enough proximity to gain warmth, nutrition, or inspiration, at enough distance to not risk spontaneous combustion. (Measurements of mass, velocity, trajectory, topography, temporality, and temperature are critical and merit close approximation in transcription.)
Apophatapataphysics, in the aspect of its intrinsic chiral properties, however, and practiced evenhandedly thus is a matter of maintaining narrative and critical orbit around not a gravitational sink or a black hole but around a cosmic void with or without any physical equivalence to any CMB Cold Spot or Dipole Repeller. Even without detectable thermal radiation, even with nothing visible or with any baryonic or non-baryonic mass directly adjacent, shivering at a respectful distance from such a void can be at least as rewarding (and safe!) as being close pals with rogue planets or rogue stars, buddies with eccentric comets or straying asteroids, or chums with zipping neutrinos or with pedestrian bosons, since low thermal readings are seen now to conserve quantum potentials from the pernicious effects of gravity, if at least only briefly.
In other words: as measurement anomalies and discrepancies persist and multiply in ferocity and frenzy despite deference to gravity in the realm of baryonic matter, taking laughter seriously promises to become only more and more significant a matter as age and era yield to succeeding aeons and millennia.
Now that we begin to see dimly just how apposite is the classical ‘pataphysical law of the ascent of a vacuum toward a periphery (Book Two, “Elements of Pataphysics”, Chapter 8, “Definition”—although we hasten to concede, naturally: “this is true only in the majority of cases, depends upon the point of view, and is codified only for convenience—if that!”), our task is modestly lightened: but we are by no means relieved of the burden gravity promises to impose upon us for many years more (measurement problems only proliferate with the refinement of calibrations, they are not dying off conveniently). What makes children laugh can very well frighten adults, but beasts of unanticipated demeanor are not reproducing at lower rates simply to accommodate us to surly reality (I myself would never have advocated entrusting autoclaves to unsupervised children under age eight, but no one solicited my views in time).
The science of imaginary solutions which pataphysics is, can afford to withhold its classical solutions to the extent that apophatapataphysics remains content to elucidate (however quietly) its quantum measurements of the oscillations governing the risible and the jocular that thread through baryonic matter (the vast preponderance of dark matter and dark energy in the known universe, discernible in these latter days, begins to suggest just how dark the humor of existence is).
In summation: only with reliable apophatapataphysical metrics calibrated at least approximately to Risibility Quotients and Jocularity Indices intrinsic to and derived from classical pataphysics will we be equipped to investigate the mysteries of noir comedy and noir humor in the realms of dark matter and dark energy, since their respective applications in the familiar, sunny realm of baryonic matter hardly look superficial.
Apophatapataphysics, in the aspect of its intrinsic chiral properties, however, and practiced evenhandedly thus is a matter of maintaining narrative and critical orbit around not a gravitational sink or a black hole but around a cosmic void with or without any physical equivalence to any CMB Cold Spot or Dipole Repeller. Even without detectable thermal radiation, even with nothing visible or with any baryonic or non-baryonic mass directly adjacent, shivering at a respectful distance from such a void can be at least as rewarding (and safe!) as being close pals with rogue planets or rogue stars, buddies with eccentric comets or straying asteroids, or chums with zipping neutrinos or with pedestrian bosons, since low thermal readings are seen now to conserve quantum potentials from the pernicious effects of gravity, if at least only briefly.
In other words: as measurement anomalies and discrepancies persist and multiply in ferocity and frenzy despite deference to gravity in the realm of baryonic matter, taking laughter seriously promises to become only more and more significant a matter as age and era yield to succeeding aeons and millennia.
Now that we begin to see dimly just how apposite is the classical ‘pataphysical law of the ascent of a vacuum toward a periphery (Book Two, “Elements of Pataphysics”, Chapter 8, “Definition”—although we hasten to concede, naturally: “this is true only in the majority of cases, depends upon the point of view, and is codified only for convenience—if that!”), our task is modestly lightened: but we are by no means relieved of the burden gravity promises to impose upon us for many years more (measurement problems only proliferate with the refinement of calibrations, they are not dying off conveniently). What makes children laugh can very well frighten adults, but beasts of unanticipated demeanor are not reproducing at lower rates simply to accommodate us to surly reality (I myself would never have advocated entrusting autoclaves to unsupervised children under age eight, but no one solicited my views in time).
The science of imaginary solutions which pataphysics is, can afford to withhold its classical solutions to the extent that apophatapataphysics remains content to elucidate (however quietly) its quantum measurements of the oscillations governing the risible and the jocular that thread through baryonic matter (the vast preponderance of dark matter and dark energy in the known universe, discernible in these latter days, begins to suggest just how dark the humor of existence is).
In summation: only with reliable apophatapataphysical metrics calibrated at least approximately to Risibility Quotients and Jocularity Indices intrinsic to and derived from classical pataphysics will we be equipped to investigate the mysteries of noir comedy and noir humor in the realms of dark matter and dark energy, since their respective applications in the familiar, sunny realm of baryonic matter hardly look superficial.
Edward Burke, under the anonym “strannikov”, has written flash fiction (absurdism, science satire, noir humor) since 2007 and verse since 2016.